With Mothers Day around the corner I can't help but think about all the mothers and grandmothers of non verbal autistic children. While I know in my heart it is silly to worry about a child saying Happy Mothers Day or Happy Fathers Day, it is still a nice thing to hear. Makes you feel appreciated. Now I know that there are many ways for children to communicate and just because they may not have a voice does not mean they cannot express themselves. A long tight hug, a head on the shoulder or your hand being taken just because, all say the same thing. I Love You. I care about you, I can feel your strength and Love. But, its still not easy to not hear the words. Lets be honest, who doesn't want to hear those words?
When Aidan was younger he was non verbal. He did not talk at all. He spent a fair amount of time in and out of the hospital and in and out of doctors offices. It was a very scary time in our lives. We had no idea what was wrong with him and at one point we weren't sure that he would grow. I can't speak for Lisa as this is not something I remember us ever talking about, but, I was worried, he might die. His body was not growing and neither was his brain. He was not converting calories to pounds as normal kids did. I was in a severe state of depression. This whole concept of having a sick child was well above my comprehension and how I was going to deal with it was not something I could wrap my head around.
I remember Mothers Day coming around and wanting to do something special for Lisa as I sensed she was as depressed as I was. All I could think was that if I could get Aidan to talk, to say I love you mommy, that I could take away her depression, make her feel like life would be ok again. But Aidan couldn't talk, he couldn't say all the things to her that would make her feel better. He couldn't express himself at all as his autism not only took his voice but on some level at that time he was just a shell of a boy, not a lot of eye contact, not a lot of hugs or hand holding. As a matter of fact, at this particular time, I am not even sure he knew his own name.
So I thought I would be his voice. I would find the words to express what he must be feeling every time he sees her. I have come to realize that what I wrote could really apply to almost any mom who's child is Non Verbal. So to all of you moms that do not get to hear the voice, let me share this with you. I am sure Aidan and Lisa won't mind.