Depression Hurts

Depression hurts. We have all seen the commercial on tv. Its for anti-depressants. No one likes to talk about depression and what it does to a person. Most people have a hard time understanding where it comes from and how to get rid of it. I think most people could be embarrassed to admit they are battling depression. I have been battling it for a number of years. I have been on Anti- Depressants for awhile.

I used to say my bad days were better than most peoples good days. I had a successful business, made good money, had some great friends, lived in a beautiful custom built home with a billiard room, drove a Porsche 911 Carrera convertible, and basically just lived a nice life. I was considered one of the best in my industry. At the time we had 2 kids. Both healthy, smart, and of course good looking.

Then one day back in 2003 life changed. I left a business partnership I was in and struck out on my own. We sold the house, kept the Porsche and the kids, but basically restarted life. To say it was rough was an understatement. Things didn't go as planned and for awhile life had really altered and not for the better. Then one day I got some much needed help from a guardian angel and life again turned around. (more on Guardian Angels later) Bought a new home, started to live life again, even added another kid to the family. Life was about to be great again. And then it happened.

The economy destroyed my business. One day business just dropped by close to 2 million a year, over night. Expenses had risen, bills didn't get paid, loans didn't get paid, but the worst was our youngest, Aidan, was sick. Nothing in your life can prepare a parent for having a sick child and all that comes with it. Its impossible not to be depressed. Marriages suffer. I think the last statistic I read was that 85% of marriages fail when children are sick. Friends disappear from your lives. I don't know why as thats the time you need them the most, but they do. Maybe its because the constant reminder that your kid is sick means they can't enjoy their lives. Who knows. Things that the family used to be able to do simply stop as most things are now not affordable. Healthcare is a bitch.

A diagnoses of Autism to go with other health issues means a lifetime of expenses. Therapy, childcare, and typically no break from the 24/7 watchful eye that is needed. No more basic babysitters. You can't leave a child with autism in just anyones care. You worry all the time about their future. Who will take care of them when your gone. You worry about the possibility of having to put them in a home if they can't take care of themselves. Can they get a real job, graduate high school, feed themselves, dress themselves, wipe their own ass. Its depressing.

I used to say I could never handle having a child with a long term illness or disability. Now i have 1 with disabilities, 2 with long term illnesses, and a 3rd who is battling depression as well. Recently my doctor decided I was doing well enough in life to stop taking the anti-depressant medication. Go figure. So now I just battle it internally and remind myself how lucky I really am. I don't have a lot of real friends but the few I have are there for me no matter what. While my kids are on medication for what may be the rest of their lives, they are alive. They continue to learn and grow. Aidan makes new gains everyday. While Colin and Justin have their life issues, they also continue to work through them and move forward in life. Business is ok and getting better. I guess my doctor knows best after all.