Happy 4th of July. It's been a few weeks since I have written a blog or updated the Facebook page. We have had a lot of things going on in our lives and I was at a point where thinking about it, writing about it, or in some cases just trying to deal with it became to much for me. Now I know that this blog isn't supposed to be about me but about Aidan and Autism, however, in real life there are many things that affect your life on a daily basis. Some are little things that you just don't pay attention to and some are life altering events that can redefine you. Somewhere between the little things and the life altering things is your everyday existence which all by itself can be overwhelming.
When I think back to the days before kids, before marriage, I would have bet that no where in my lifetime would I ever have to deal with the things I now deal with on a daily basis. When I was younger mapping out my game plan for my future, it existed around making enough money to be very wealthy. A millionaire by the age of 30 and retirement as who really wants to work. Then I would travel the world, get married, have some kids, just enjoy life. After all, it was the american dream.
Fast forward 35-40 years later. I am not a millionaire. I could have been but made some bad life choices. I still could be perhaps as I am still alive and still have dreams. I am married and have 3 kids. We don't travel the world. As a matter of fact the last road trip I remember was 3 years ago for a weekend trip to Newport Rhode Island. I am definitely not retired and do not expect to ever retire. But I do have something in my life that makes every bit of suffering, every bad choice, every life altering event, every single bad moment I have ever experienced, just fade away. When I am at my worst, when the anxiety is so bad I can barely function, when the financial stress makes me want to just disappear, I remember I have Aidan.
His love, his hugs, his smiles, his words all remind me how lucky I am. Not to take away from my other sons, as I would give my life for them in a second, but Aidan, with his Autism doesn't have the same needs, the pressure, the stress the other kids deal with. His saddest moments are when he has to go to bed or can't have junk food. He reminds me of everything in life that good. He is not affected by the little things or big things that happen in life. He is just a happy kid that wants to play and be loved. His smile brightens the day and helps keep me normal.